NO TIME

Ask him something, NO TIME... Ask him help something, WAIT.... LATER.... TROUBLESOME LAR U...

Clara asked him to help, he shouted at her.

Who dare to ask him for help?

The phone rang. He answered. He GOT TIME. He can chat about the sky, the earth, anything under the sun and he GOT TIME. He could spend one hour talking to friend and said "I DON'T NEED TO EARN MONEY HAR?" when asked him to go church or anywhere that need his help.

Asked him to help me as I do not know everything about the computer. Why am I doing all these? Why? If I have a job, if I have money, I would not need to do all these things. I would be tidying up the house, helping my children with their school work if I do not need to think of money -- if you can give me money, even if you are not supporting me with housework and parenting.

How much is the family worth more than friends? How much is the family worth more than money? How much is your health worth more than money then?

He told me, "No more money already." I asked him,"How?" He told me,"You have to think of yourself."

What have I told him before. Would he heed my advice? I let him 'play'. So now is the day coming, and getting nearer and nearer. Everyday, I am paying for all the meals, paying for all the necessities. He does not need to fork out any cents. His money don't lie idling around! What a joke. And I am handling everything. I only hope I can know more things so that I can do more things. If only he can teach me, HAVE TIME at least and HAVE PATIENCE at least.

What have I learned From him
What have the children learned from him? Bad things are so easy to learn. There is almost no need to learn bad things. Children just know it. And they followed it. "Bad things" are so cool! They just 'admired' them.... But he wants the children to be expert, to be smart, to excel in everything.... but what kind of environment, what kind of things are you imparting to your children?

He has knowledge but he did not share willingly. He would not have TIME for the family.... But when friends called ANYTIME, he GOT TIME ANYTIME, and he can go out ANYTIME to meet his friends. What about WE, the mother, the housewife, who need to look after children and the home? Can we have the same? Even if I am working, I do not have ANYTIME AVAILABLE to my clients or friends. What are you doing that you can afford ANYTIME AVAILABLE??

No Green Pasture At Home
He told me his time is money. How much are you making an hour? I need to pay him to go church for some time (before my conversion). Why am I doing that? He simply does not understand and always think that the other side of the hill is greener.

He is not the only one like that. Some people are just like that, taking family members for granted, and always think that 'outside people' (friends, strangers) are better than families. People who treat him nicely and wanted him to be good, and yet he think that people wanted to harm him!!!!

Talk Louder Than Actions
I already tried. I had taken in contests. I had tried taking the photographs and asked my friends to vote for the photographs. I have limited friends. But he got lots of 'friends'. He said 'no problem'... and what happens...

Disappointed again and again
People think that I do not want to work. I am lazy. Can I afford to go out to work? I tried before. I cannot take the kind of stress. Coming home, having to do everything(all the housework, all the problems at home all need to be handled...) If he can share the workload, he can be more sensible, and at least know what is happening to the children at school, I can have more peace of mind. But nope. Would he care about anything except his favourite computer?

When things go wrong, I am the one who need to solve everything. All he did is always the easy way out... to throw away everything, and even to throw away 'me and the children'... Over is over, but that is not the way to handle things. This is a great challenge....

Engulf Me

Dinner time. I thought it's going to be a happy meal. I cooked fried rice, honey chicken wings, chicken nuggets and left-overs from afternoon lunch (which includes bittergourd, chye sim, fish soup and canned peanuts).

Richard likes to eat his food hot. If cold, he would not like it. But when food is ready, I asked him to come for meals, he would always take so long to come to the table. Sometimes I need to call several times, and he would not be happy too. This is something which makes 'this task' (serving hot food) seem difficult.

While waiting for everyone, I left some of the chicken wings and nuggets at the oven (so that some would be still warm). When he came out of the room to have his meal, I saw him walking pass the kitchen. So I told him to bring out the chicken wings. He asked,"How?" I told him that there was a plate and a fork there. "Use them to take the chicken wings out of the oven." He said,"Where is the plate?" The plate is just above the oven. While cooking in the oven, I warm also use the top of the oven to warm up the food. But he said,"Why put the plate here? So hot!" He was not happy already. He began to throw things around.

Just asked him to do something. And it is so hard. A man afraid of HEAT. A man who has 'difficulties' in helping out with the family. His job scope is just washing the dishes and at times help out with washing air-con (which is another difficult task for him. So I tried to do it myself.) What other things can he help out voluntarily and happily?

No money and yet don't bother to help out. I took part in Huggies Contest. Told him about it and he said,"Voting only...so easy lar!" He said he got lots of friends. He said it is easy. And still today, he said, "Easy lar, I have thousands of friends, don't worry lar!" How many times had he said that and until now, nothing had been done... except from Facebook, which I had suggested. What about his friends? His friends called him and he said he would be available ANYTIME. Family asked him to do something, family need his help, "WAIT LAR!" "YOU VERY TROUBLESOME!" *Throw things around* *broken cups* *broken plates*.....

I finished my dinner. Left four chicken wings. The whole time, we were all quiet. How can I have the mood to be happy. Always come to the table like thousands of people offended him. Shout at children.... nothing good come out from the mouth. Cooked nutritious food for the family, but he still want to eat canned peanuts. I am tired of telling him anymore.... would he believe what I say everytime? Always think that people 'torture' him, people despise him. Always said that I don't support him. But who is the one who do not support who? I am trying so hard to run this family and now I am pregnant, with so much inconvenience and PAIN, and YET he said I AM PRETENDING. PRETENSE. This is so much PAIN, internal PAIN, it is a sword pierced into the heart.

Meal time, he always sat down in front of computer and refused to come out in time. We were all hungry, especially now that I am pregnant. The children and me would eat first at times. HE would say he is eating leftovers. He claimed to say that we gave him things which we don't want to eat. Strike me, open up my heart and see the colour of my heart. I always have to reserve food for them/him, and most of the time, I have to throw away what they did not eat. It's not that I cannot finish the food! I would be most happy if you can afford to buy outside food and I don't have to cook (if you can afford to! Use your own money then... and what happens next?

Talk and all talk.

At the dining table, he said,"I helped you to finish the chicken wings." What a joke. Help me finish the chicken wings! The children and me were eating nuggets and chicken wings, but he is the only one who is eating canned peanuts. How I hope he would eat the nuggets and chicken wings... Who would want to ill-treat him? But see who is ill-treating who!

Last night, he made a cup of milo for son. It was so diluted till he did not want to drink also. The day before, I asked him to make a cup of Horlick for me. It was just as diluted. I told him several times already, but nothing goes into the ear. It tasted like water.

Before this, we used to buy packets Milo. It used up so fast. Every day it was so convenient to open the packet and just add hot water. So he said buy big can Milo. I bought big can Milo and in the end, he is the one who seldom drink Milo. I bought Tea/ Teh Tarik for him. He said he don't want. But in the end, one day he could drink up to three cups.... Milo, I am making it for myself and the children. When we want to drink instant Milo, he gave us half a packet of Milo for each person -- diluted Milo -- instead of each one one packet of Milo.

At the supermarket, I bought fruit juice. He went over to another side, showed me orange syrup -- telling me it is cheaper to drink that....

The Resurrection

世间只有你好-华山论剑主题曲

This video shows the original singer, but the sound is not so good.


邵氏《射鵰英雄傳續集》、TVB《世間始終你好》Mix

This video has better sound but no images of the singer.

This is my inspirational song of the day. It motivates me, lifting my heart, and it shows my feeling, the sudden surge of energy.

Was very tearful, and sad... as usual when he is involved. The one who seems to be 'working for the master of sins', the Prince of Darkness...

Walked to church again today. Never saw any myna or crane or squirrel this time. But Clara showed me a very beautiful bird on the tree. It was a yellow bird, very beautiful, and making sound (but I don't know what is the name of the bird). This is the first time I see such kind of bird.


A beautiful bird singing on the tree, the cinnamon tree, just beside the open grassland opposite Woodlands Esso Petrol Kiosk.

This is a special week, the week where Jesus died and was resurrected on the third day. This is the first time I attended church for consecutive days. Jesus had and has helped me. How can I don't do anything for him? Church was merely going and with 'not so much feeling', not much of understanding all the time. But it was all different now. Everytime I would 'grasp' something and I felt different after going church (just like today).

As mentioned, today my inspirational song is The Legend of the Condor Heroes, 《射鵰英雄傳》, one of the theme song sang by Roman, 世間始終你.

Out of the church, and after dinner, the children and I walked home. While walking, I pondered...

A Financial Adviser Who Knows Nothing?
He never supported me, yet he twisted his words and said that I did not support him, and said that I looked down on him. Come on, when did I ever did that, and why should I do that? Just check my heart. Do you want to listen to people's advice, do you want to listen to the opinion I had given you? Do you want to co-operate with me? Yet he said "You know what lah?"

He knows a lot. Sure. Fine. I knew this day will come. I supported you, let you 'handled' everything as you wish even though you said I know nothing. But what happens now?

Time and Money
Asked him go church, NO TIME. Asked him go dinner, NO TIME. "I DON'T NEED EARN MONEY HAR?"..........

Heartache. Chestbone crushing.

Faith
Lucky, I know that I can trust God. Is Jesus going to fail me? Jesus has never fail me before, but it was the other way round. Now that I had rediscovered the real truth, the miraculous power of God and Jesus Christ, my Lord, I am placing my trust on him.

This is the image that was shown in my head while walking home.


This image was seen in my dream on 5 June 2008 -- The dream of How Much Is The Doggie In The Window (Lucky I write it down, otherwise I won't remember the date at all.)


This image is taken from the Cantonese Hong Kong Show by Felix Wang : Legend of The Condor Heroes as shown below:



《射雕英雄傳之鐵血丹心》片頭1983


HOPE and Determination
I felt better, definitely better. I felt a 'new life' within me -- a fresh new start, with a more meaningful life, with a mission to fulfill, a purposeful life...